Sunday, January 24, 2010
Really rather terrifying
OK, OK, after swearing black and blue that I was never going to pick up a pencil again, I'm now desperate - DESPERATE, people! - to create stuff.
But I don't know what.
And I don't know what with.
Should I stick with pencil? Try watercolour or ink? See if I can learn oil or acrylic properly?
And maybe I'll be really crap at it now.
I haven't lifted a finger artwise since September 09. Maybe it's not like riding a bike. And I'll have to start from scratch and be really bad at it for ages.
I had a go just before. And it was really bad. Of course, I wasn't really trying all that hard. Not taking enough care, just slapping something down. Wound up all muddy around the face and messy where I didn't want it to be messy.
And I've been painting something for work for practice. Again, not particularly happy with the result, but I need to start somewhere. It just feels like I'm repeating myself. It's nothing new, or fresh, or different.
It's really fucking scary.
I'm not sure I even want to try.
But I'm so bloody creatively frustrated. I've been moping around the house all day, doing a quick sketch here and there and hating the way they look. Looking at Audrey Kawasaki's work and getting completely bummed out that I'll never be as good as that. Searching for inspiration and having no idea what to do with it if I find some.
Anyone else been in this boat? Anyone given up art only to find that it won't give you up?
If so, let me know how it turned out.
I'll be here umming and ahhing over whether to pick up that pencil or paintbrush or just surf the net some more.